Hobbits, Toys, and the Boy that binds them
by ClariceTook
Summary: #2 in my Spells Gone Wrong Series! what happens when Gandalf's staff goes POOF! and the fellowship gets turned into toys? madness, i tell you! MADNESS! r/r!
1. Default Chapter

THE SPELLS GONE WRONG SERIES No. 2 Hobbits, Toys, and the Boy That Binds Them  
  
As the title shall indicate, this is #2 in the SGW Series. It is a tad. no, it's way bizarre. Read at your own risk! (although I would advise it, it is funny) As is required, I must say that I do not own them or profit from them. (I'm getting sick of constantly writing that!) Okay, I'll stop now. Read on, brave soul!  
  
CHAPTER 1  
  
"Gandalf, come on now," Merry whined. "I want to stop. My feet are tired."  
  
"Mine too," Pippin spoke up.  
  
"Fine," the wizard sighed. "We will stop up near this alcove." The hobbits all sighed relief.  
  
When they stopped, Gandalf sat down a little ways apart. Pippin and Merry, for as much as their feet had bothered them, began horsing around.  
  
Frodo and Sam were sitting near Gandalf and Gimli. Legolas was sitting with Aragorn and Boromir, watching Merry and Pippin.  
  
The two young hobbits began shoving eachother. Trying to escape, Pippin stumbled over a rock and hit Gandalf's staff. A light erupted and flashed brilliantly before receding again.  
  
"Aragorn!" Boromir's voice shouted. "Aragorn!"  
  
Aragorn opened his eyes and looked around. The place he found himself in was truly strange. There was a bed in the center of this room. Next to it was a small wooden desk. He turned his head and saw nothing but non- living figures.  
  
His limbs felt stiff and immovable.  
  
Suddenly, he felt a hand on his shoulder. He whirled around and stood face-to-face with one of the life-less people figures. It was a woman with a smile plastered on her face and blond hair that was knotted on top of her head. She had an unbelievable figure. "Sorry, miss," he said.  
  
"Aragorn," the woman said.  
  
"Do I know you?" Aragorn asked.  
  
"It's me, Dunadan!"  
  
Aragorn's mouth dropped. "Legolas?" he asked.  
  
"Yes, Legolas," the woman said. "Who else would I be?"  
  
"You look like a woman," Aragorn said.  
  
"What?" Legolas asked, bewildered. "What are you talking about?"  
  
Aragorn couldn't help but smile. "You look like female."  
  
"This isn't funny, Aragorn," Legolas said, putting his hands on his shapely hips. All of a sudden he made a face and looked down. He screamed. "Why am I wearing a dress?"  
  
He tried to scan himself even better. "I am a woman!"  
  
"Since when did Legolas become a woman?" they heard Boromir's voice. "Aragorn, you didn't answer me."  
  
Aragorn swiveled his head. "Boromir, where are you?"  
  
"I'm right here! Turn around!" Boromir said impatiently.  
  
Aragorn turned around. He didn't see Boromir. All that was in front of him was a coiled metal spring-looking item.  
  
"All I see is some form of coiled steel or something," Aragorn said. "Wait, are you the piece of wound up steel?"  
  
"What in the name of Gondor are you talking about?" Boromir's voice asked. "And why are you dressed like that?"  
  
Aragorn made a face. "Dressed like what?" he looked down and surveyed his clothes. They were a green muddled color and he had on heavy boots. He felt his head and knocked off a large and heavy round hat. Strapped to his back was a large weapon of sorts. "What am I wearing?" he asked himself.  
  
"Look at this!" Legolas said. He bent over and showed off long and slender legs.  
  
"Oh my!" Boromir's voice exclaimed. "Legolas! What happened to you? You're a girl!"  
  
Legolas straightened up. "Yes, okay, I'm a girl. It's not as if I asked Galadriel to do this to me. It just happened! According to this, I am known as Super-model Bar-bie. Whatever that is."  
  
"How do you know?" Aragorn asked, walking over to Legolas.  
  
"There's this box looking thing with my picture on it. Or at least, of what I think I look like."  
  
Aragorn scanned the box that was sitting in a large, circular bin. He noticed something else. Another box.  
  
"Hey, Aragorn," Legolas waved his hand. "This one looks like you! I believe you are called a G.I. Joe?"  
  
"G.I. Joe," Aragorn repeated. "Anything that looks like that spring thing?"  
  
"I'm looking," Legolas said.  
  
Suddenly, a door flew open and a boy ran in. The boy was huge! His head was a mass of blond curls. "I'm just looking for my slinky, mom!" he shouted. "There it is!" He reached over and picked up the coiled metal.  
  
"What are you doing?" Boromir's voice said, startled.  
  
The boy looked around, startled himself. "Who said that?" he asked.  
  
"Put me down!" Boromir shouted.  
  
The boy squealed and dropped the slinky. "Mom! My slinky yelled at me!" He rushed out the door.  
  
Aragorn and Legolas peered down from their high platform at "Boromir" sitting on the ground.  
  
"Boromir!" Aragorn called down. "We found out what you are called!"  
  
"A slinky!" Legolas nodded.  
  
"That sure helps me!" Boromir growled.  
  
The other two looked at each other.  
  
"Aragorn!" Frodo called happily.  
  
The Ranger turned around to find a boy dressed in tight blue pants with knee-high, pointy boots and a striped shirt with a piece of cloth around his neck. He also wore a strange hat. Beside him stood a horse.  
  
"Frodo?" Aragorn asked. "Which one are you?"  
  
"He's the boy," the horse said. Its voice was that of Samwise Gamgee. "I'm the horse."  
  
Legolas snickered. "Now all that we're missing is Merry, Pippin, and Gimli, then Gandalf."  
  
"Did Gandalf shrink us again?" Frodo asked.  
  
"Not exactly," Aragorn said. "I think something else happened."  
  
"Wheeeeheeeehheeee!" a voice shrilled in excitement.  
  
The others all ran to the edge. They knew what that voice meant. Pippin. And it sounded like he was having fun. That meant only one thing: disaster.  
  
They looked over the opposite edge. Below them, some odd sort of horse was racing around a circular track. It was shiny and red. There was another that was blue.  
  
"You'll never beat me!" Merry's voice taunted.  
  
"You are soooo going down, Merry!" Pippin called back. The red car speeded up and rammed into the blue car.  
  
"Why did you do that?" Merry yelled.  
  
The blue car swerved and collided with the red one. The scarlet horse went sailing through the air.  
  
"Whoooohooo," Pippin whooped.  
  
The car slid across the platform that the rest of the group was standing on and crashed into a small tub, causing it to fall and send multicolored pieces scattering.  
  
One of the pieces that was in the shape of a person suddenly jumped up. "Aragorn!" the piece called.  
  
"Gimli!" the others shouted and ran over to him. Frodo bent down and read the side of the tub. "Legos," he said aloud. "Gimli is a Lego!"  
  
"What's a Lego?" Sam asked.  
  
"You act like I know!" Aragorn huffed.  
  
"Aragorn!" Boromir hailed. "Was it just me or did I hear Pippin whooping and hollering in glee? Keep an eye out, that can only mean disaster is bound to happen."  
  
"We found Gimli!" Legolas shouted down.  
  
"Where's Boromir?" Frodo asked.  
  
Legolas and Aragorn pointed downwards. "Down there," they said together.  
  
Sam and Frodo and Gimli all leaned over and peered down at the circle of metal sitting calmly on the floor.  
  
The door opened again. The boy returned, pulling a woman behind him. "But mom!" the child protested. "It talked to me! Maybe we should take it to Pastor Tate. So he can ecperprise it!"  
  
"You mean exorcize?" the mom asked. "I don't think that's necessary, hun." She bent down and picked up the slinky. "See? It's not talking. It was just your imagination."  
  
With a smile, she set Boromir back on the desk. "Now come on, dinner is ready. And after that, you're going to pick up this room. We're going to grandma's tomorrow. And that is the last time I allow you to watch that movie!" She set a hand on his head and led him back out, closing the door behind herself.  
  
"Boromir!" Gimli grunted.  
  
"What?" Boromir asked.  
  
"Excuse me!" Merry's voice shouted.  
  
With sighs, everyone ran over to where they had seen the weird horses before. The blue one had stopped.  
  
"How am I supposed to get up there?" Merry asked.  
  
"I say that that is your problem!" the red car shouted back down. "That's what you get for shoving me off!"  
  
"Come now, Pip," Merry groaned. "Can't you forgive an old friend?"  
  
"But you're not old!" Pippin laughed.  
  
"You know what I mean, Pippin!"  
  
"How do we get Merry up here?" Sam asked.  
  
"We could form a chain," Aragorn suggested. "Here, I'll hold on to Boromir." He grabbed onto one of the coils then shoved Boromir off the edge. The slinky stretched down and reached the floor.  
  
Legolas looked down curiously. "That was unexpected!" "Okay, so Boromir can reach," Frodo said. "But how is Merry going to grab hold of him?"  
  
"Legolas," Pippin said, peering over the edge, or at least eversomuch as a car can peer. "You can climb down Boromir and help Merry."  
  
"In a dress?" Legolas asked.  
  
"You're resourceful," Pippin said.  
  
Grumbling, Legolas climbed down. When he reached the bottom, he helped wedge Merry into one of the coils. "You better not have been looking up my dress!" he muttered to the car. Then he himself grabbed onto one. "Alright! Pull us up!"  
  
With help from Frodo and Sam's teeth, they managed to haul up their three comrades.  
  
"That hurt!" Boromir complained.  
  
"So now all we need to do is find Gandalf," Merry said. He inched forward a little then back again.  
  
"Aragorn! I'm over here!" the wizard's voice called.  
  
TBC. 


	2. part 2 now we find Gandalf but surprise ...

THE SPELLS GONE WRONG SERIES No. 2 Hobbits, Toys, and the Boy That Binds Them  
  
  
  
CHAPTER 2  
  
"Are you going to help me out of here or not?" Gandalf growled.  
  
Aragorn scratched his head as he poked the filmy plastic that was between him and the wizard. "I don't know how!" Aragorn said, baffled.  
  
Legolas was smoothing his hair while Frodo played with his hat.  
  
Sam had his head lowered and he was sniffing Merry and Pippin curiously. Boromir sat calmly beside Aragorn.  
  
Gandalf looked like he always did: a long gray robe, a tall pointy hat, a long beard, and a staff. But he literally remained immovable. And a transparent, plastic film separated him from the outside. The box was green and had a picture of Gandalf in one of the corners with his name.  
  
Aragorn poked it again. "I just don't understand it, Gandalf. I really don't know how to get you out."  
  
"Well why don't you find a way?" Gandalf muttered.  
  
Aragorn folded his arms across her chest. "Well, if you're going to act like that. maybe I won't help you at all."  
  
"Aragorn," the wizard sighed. "I apologize. I am just frustrated, that is all."  
  
"Maybe you could climb up on top and pry the lid off," Pippin suggested.  
  
Aragorn turned around to face the red car. "Pippin, do you recall what happened to me last time you suggested that I do something?"  
  
"What are you talking about?" Pippin asked. "I'm innocent. I was framed!"  
  
Legolas laughed as he straightened the straps of his dress. "You know, the longer I wear this, the more comfortable I become."  
  
Aragorn made a face. "Legolas, please stay at least four feet away from me from now on."  
  
Legolas looked offended. "Just because you cannot understand my hidden feminine tendencies, that doesn't mean you must shun them."  
  
Aragorn blinked once, then took a big step backwards.  
  
Legolas smiled and fluttered his long lashes. He sidled over to Aragorn. "Don't you like me, Aragorn?" he asked bashfully.  
  
"Somebody please keep him away from me!" Aragorn ordered.  
  
"Legolas!" Gandalf said from inside the package. "Stop it."  
  
Legolas turned on his heel, flipping his hair over his shoulder. "I don't need to put up with this! I'm Supermodel Barbie!"  
  
Pippin and Merry laughed.  
  
"I'll give him this: he isn't ugly," Merry said.  
  
"Euwwww!" Aragorn hopped up and down. "You people are sick!" Pippin and Merry laughed again.  
  
"Of course," Legolas smiled. "I'm gorgeous."  
  
"This conversation is becoming a little too odd for my taste," Boromir said blandly.  
  
"I will not argue with you," Gimli was sitting against the box.  
  
"Aragorn, will you just take the young Took's suggestion?" Gandalf sighed impatiently.  
  
"Alright, fine," Aragorn threw up his hands. "But if something happens to me, I am blaming you! Sam, help me!"  
  
Sam trotted over to the Ranger. "Right here, Aragorn."  
  
Aragorn clambered onto Sam's back and pulled himself up onto the top of the box which wavered underneath his feet. He had to throw out his arms to keep his balance. Cautiously, he kneeled down and tried to pull up the lid. He yanked hard.  
  
The box fell forward and sent Aragorn flying off of the top. He rolled along the bit of desk than toppled off of it and landed with a thud on the floor below.  
  
"Ow!" Gandalf exclaimed. For the box had fallen face first.  
  
Pippin and Merry wheeled around.  
  
"Pippin!" Aragorn shouted up.  
  
"Excuse me!" Pippin shouted back. "You said that you would blame it on Gandalf!"  
  
"Gandalf!" Aragorn corrected.  
  
"Sorry, Aragorn," came the muffled reply.  
  
Legolas leaned forward. "Are you okay, Aragorn?"  
  
Aragorn slapped a hand over his eyes and held up the other one. "Legolas, please do not lean forward like that! It is just disturbing."  
  
Legolas made a confused face and looked down. "Oh," he said and looked back up with a smile. He placed a hand over the top of his shirt and sat back up. "Sorry."  
  
Aragorn nodded slightly. "Just, don't do it again."  
  
The door flew open again and the boy shot into the room. "Alright, mom!" He took a step towards the desk.  
  
CRUNCH!  
  
  
  
TBC.. (hehe evil ending!) CRUNCH is bad! 


	3. part 3 what was that crunch? this is NOT...

Okay, before this chapter trudges ahead, I would like to say that I'm sorry that it has been a while. For those who haven't figured it out, I write stories in stints. I write a little of one, then stop and start another. But! I have returned to this one! As always, I don't own or profit. Blah, blah, blah, just read!  
  
  
  
CHAPTER 3  
  
"What the?..." the boy lifted his foot and looked down. "Oh no!" he groaned. "My G.I. Joe." The young kid bent over and picked up Aragorn. He set the toy on the desk in three pieces: a leg, an arm, and the torso, then turned and fled out the door. "Mom!"  
  
Everyone crowded around the mutilated Aragorn.  
  
"Aragorn!" Frodo picked up the arm. "Are you in pain?"  
  
"No," Aragorn responded blandly. "Actually," he started laughing. "I feel really, really giddy!" After a moment, he was laughing hysterically.  
  
"Aragorn?" Legolas raised his eyebrows. "Are you sure your okay?"  
  
Aragorn kept on laughing. "Look! I have no arms!" Suddenly, he became solemn. "Well, actually, I have one arm and only one leg, but my body is still in one piece!" he began laughing again.  
  
"Aragorn?" Gandalf's muffled voice questioned. "Have you been smoking pipe-weed recently?"  
  
"Pipe weeeeeed!" Aragorn giggled.  
  
"Aragorn," Boromir's voice addressed from a little ways away. "What in the name of Gondor is wrong with you?"  
  
Everyone was casting glances at eachother.  
  
"Why are all of you so serious?" Aragorn pouted. "You're ruining all of my fun!"  
  
Legolas folded his arms across his chest and strode over to Aragorn. "Dunadan!" he hauled the Ranger up onto his one leg. "Control yourself!"  
  
Aragorn turned serious and stared at Legolas. "You are one beautiful woman," he said, dazed. "Do you have a lover? Do you want one?"  
  
Legolas shrieked and dropped the Ranger.  
  
"Oooohhhhh!" Aragorn giggled. "You're a strong one! I like that in a woman!"  
  
Legolas dropped his mouth. "Aragorn! What is wrong with you? What about Arwen?"  
  
"Arwen?" Aragorn asked. "Who is Arwen? Isn't she Arwen?" he pointed at Legolas.  
  
"I'm Legolas," Legolas said.  
  
"Noooo," Aragorn shook his head. "Legolas isn't a girl. He's an elf. You look nothing like Legolas. Therefore, you must be Arwen! You promised that you would forsake your mortal life for me. Let me kiss you my love!"  
  
Legolas agilely leapt out of the way. "Aragorn! Are you drunk?"  
  
Aragorn looked at them all with drunken curiosity. "Drunk? Dunadan do not get drunk."  
  
"Yeah, well, Strider," Pippin spoke up. "You are one Dunadan who is."  
  
The door opened and the boy dragged his mother in again. "Can you fix him, mom?"  
  
The mother picked up Aragorn's pieces and examined them. "Oh, hun, this is simple. Look," she held the pieces where the boy could see them. "You just pop them in like this." She popped Aragorn's arm and leg back in. "See? Now come on, we're putting in a movie." She walked back out, followed by the boy who was thanking her profusely.  
  
Aragorn put a hand to his head. "W-w-what happened?"  
  
Legolas eyed the Ranger warily.  
  
"Why are you looking at me like that?" Aragorn asked, standing up and shaking out his leg and arm.  
  
"Aragorn, does this ring a bell: 'You are one beautiful woman. Do you have a lover? Do you want a lover?' You were drunk or something," said Pippin.  
  
Aragorn looked horrified. "I said that? What else did I say?"  
  
"It's better if you don't know," Boromir said.  
  
"Wait! Who did I say was a beautiful woman?" Aragorn looked worried. His glance caught the wary Legolas. "Oh no," he moaned. "I didn't! I'm so sorry!" He took a step towards Legolas. "Listen, Legolas, I'm."  
  
Legolas slid backwards, warding Aragorn off with his hands. "No, no, it's okay."  
  
"Excuse me!" Gandalf said, his voice muffled. "Could you help my box get up?"  
  
  
  
  
  
Again, this WAS NOT SLASH! It was. okay, so I don't really know exactly what it was, but it wasn't slash. All I can say is that when one of the people is "injured", they turn really giddy and almost drunk. Why they do, I'm not sure. 


End file.
